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I’ll admit I’m a dreamer. 

When I was a kid, perhaps around ten years old, I used to have dreams of flying. 

I would look down at my feet and only see my legs. I’d be looking through my eyes but never really getting a sense or feeling of who I was. My personality and character was somewhat muted and there was just a clarity of seeing things through my eyes and an emptiness behind them.

Suddenly there would be a desire to fly, to take off.

I’d start to run faster and faster, seeing the scenery around me warp by, and then I’d give a little upward reach, a slight upward ‘heave’ almost, with a leap of faith, and suddenly I was floating like a bird in flight; levitating; all sense of heaviness and limitation gone. There would be a gesture of my arms flapping up and down, but I never really saw my arms. I just had the sense of myself seeing through my eyes as I navigated the new feeling and perspective from the air, completely light, moving freely wherever I wanted to go. A sense of complete freedom and ease and lightness washed through me. 

I would fly rather low at first, at night through a big metropolitan city with shiny reflective skyscrapers. Somehow, I never really saw my reflection in the windows as I peeked in and saw the world and people go about their business and the cars moving slowly in traffic down below. I’d get a rather curious feeling for the current world we lived in. 

And then I’d take off higher and higher, desiring to see what was up as far as the eye can see. I’d reach the top of the highest building and for a moment, perch on a ledge and look down at the entire city scape. There was a deepening quietness from up above that brought an inner calmness and tranquility. For a moment I’d just sit with the world, watching quietly. 

And then the desire would come again, to go higher and higher. I’d pace a few steps back on the rooftop and with a fist full of faith, I’d again start to run until I felt the lightness and lift off; the freedom. 

Back in the air, I’d overtake the clouds and swim through them, watching the white fluff pass me by, feeling their coolness tickle my skin. So soft and delicate and playful. The sky felt wondrous up here, as if anything were possible, but all I wanted to do was have fun, be free and appreciate the feeling of ease and joy.

I’d go higher and higher for some time, picking up immense speed until I broke through the atmosphere and into the black void. I would be in space. Complete emptiness, darkness, silence and stillness. No thing up here except the sense of myself. Awareness. Total inner peace, calmness and tranquility. I would simply reside here with no sense of wanting to do anything or be anywhere else. I would just sit floating quietly, absorbing the feeling of emptiness. Time and space and causality had vanished.

In hindsight, it felt like a soul recharge, a recharge of peace and love and silent reassurance. Existence felt quite alright up here, like things were more real up here, than they were down there. 

When the time came and without prompting, I would start to descend, to head back down to ‘life’, the waking dream. 

I would wake up with a deep sense of quietude inside of me as the waking dream slowly replaced the memory of my dreaming wake, but the remembrance of deep peace and the longing for it would never fade; it would flame brightly always in my heart, the light of eternal truth. 

My dreams are slowly coming back to me after a long period of redundancy as my mind went through the torrential downpour of life. Strange things have been happening with every prayer and new resolve each night to continue working through my dreams and to wake up in them to see what is going on in my deep subconscious. It ain’t a pretty picture or even a very coherent one right now, but I’m digging deep to get to purity and innocence once again. Last night I willed all my fears to reveal themselves and be given up to the universe. Let’s say, it wasn’t so fun, but something I know I need to re-visit until the fear becomes a tame puppy.

I’m just glad to be aware of my subconscious once again. The awareness and perspective born of conscious dreaming, visualisation and imagining, is one step closer to understanding reality than the perspective of the waking life that filters blindly through the dance of the subconscious realm without our knowing. We think we are seeing things as they are… but we are not. Not until we know our subconscious.

Of all my dreams, this one of flying, cracking impossibility, enjoying freedom and entering into the void, stands apart from the rest as potent, significant and coming from the causal realm, from the longing of my heart. And I didn’t have it just once, but many times in lucid fashion. I’d always be so elated when it happened. It’s as if it is the burning yearning driving force of my life, my cause and my quest in this waking dream. I can see how this ‘life’ is a quirky reflection of my heart. The messages and experiences that resonate with our heart, never really leave us. They sit with crystal clear clarity in our memory, our subconscious. They point out to us constantly what it is we really value, what brings us true everlasting joy and what it is we are moving towards to complete the purpose of our life.

With love to you all as life begins to move once again post lock down

Hugs and kisses.


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