This ‘spiritual’ life

hammockFor those of you that know me, you may have noticed that my inclination to write, to share, to endlessly preach has taken a slight nose dive in the last few weeks. The reality is, that right now, I am a little confused about who I am and what I know or believe in. Uprooting my role as a peaceful yoga teacher, followed by six weeks of silence has stripped away my comfortable sense of self and left me somewhat scrambling for new pieces of life’s puzzle.

I can no longer indulge in ‘spiritual’ conversation or debate anymore without my mental efforts being met with huge exhaustion and dissatisfaction. The more I think and try to express something spiritual, the more apparent it is that the very words and concepts themselves are the antithesis to the truth we are seeking.

To even ‘seek’ truth is the biggest contradiction and irresolvable of intentions; a rude awakening and life’s biggest prank that awaits the spiritual seeker. Truth cannot be found because the very looking, keeps it hidden…and yet it is not even ‘something’ that can be hidden. And so you see the limitation of mental concept and understanding.

This brings me to the unsettling truth of desire and how the feeling of desire alone, as a pure mental imprint and impression within our energy being, is the very reason we feel dissatisfied, the very reason we seek, and the very reason we will never meet peace, truth and happiness.

Desire is one of the biggest obstacles to being. It is the grasping and driving force that we are indebted to for our individual survival and creativity. Without desire, we would not eat, we would not seek safety and security, we would not seek love or procreation, we would not express our full human potential, and for that very reason, we cannot and should not condemn desire. Yet somehow, we must co-exist happily with desire, who’s very presence implies dissatisfaction and unhappiness in any given moment.

At this point in life’s fiddly equation, the only solution seems to lie in being present; for the state of ‘being’ to coexist with the naked sensation of desire; to know in any given moment, simply, that ‘there is’ desire and to know fully what it is and what it feels like and to allow it to freely express itself.

In consciousness of desire, or any other aspect of our psychosomatic self, we embody the truth of both aspects of our being; our eternal presence, stillness and emptiness, with our ever changing energy and form.

In short, surrender to, embody and be with whatever the moment presents; you are perfect as you are and every moment is perfect as it is.

That’s a lot of words from a supposedly puzzled yogi.

Love always

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