ON LONELINESS

 

I’ve been there, very much so, back in my early 20’s desperately lonely scanning through my phone contacts, seeing who I could message, waiting for replies, walking around in the mass of moving bodies feeling completely isolated. 50 hour crazy work weeks, interacting with peers and not a single heart connection from dawn til dusk. Holding my partner in embrace each night…and still…feeling apart and incomplete.

Whenever I set foot on my solo travels throughout my university years, I was always hit hard by feelings of loneliness. I remember curling up and crying at airports, questioning why I never had travel companions, I leisured through my sightseeing feeling painfully numb and unfulfilled. When travel buddies ventured my way, the feeling would be temporarily alleviated, only to return again when I hit the road.

When I finally became nomadic in 2014, I left everything behind. Family, friends, familiarity, routine and all meaningful connections that I had forged. Loneliness became a project for me. I forced myself to face it everyday, this feeling, unpleasant, sinking, desperate, sad, sorrowful. It wasn’t there all the time. It only came up when I had lost sight of the wonder of life and involuted back into the idea of myself.

In hindsight, I can see that the cause of loneliness was simply that; the idea of ‘myself’. That is enough, this one belief of ‘me’, this person, to raise all other feeling, starting with loneliness and isolation.

Loneliness is the feeling that we are separate, apart and out of touch with life and others around us. We walk around with the feeling that no one gets us and we hold a burning desire for that penetrating understanding to pierce us from the hearts of others. We yearn for connection to feel whole, as if we weren’t so already.

I am not saying it is wrong to make connections. In fact, connection with others is a very natural expression that happens all by itself in nature….if only we didn’t hold ourselves back so often or push forth aggressively through fear. Natural and nurturing relationships come from neither desperate seeking nor fearful resistance, but with the flow of your authentic, confident and creative self.

And how do we get back to that place of truth and authenticity?

Whenever feelings of loneliness arose, I would notice them, watch them intricately pull at my heartstrings. I sat and I felt the yearnings earnestly and openly. Neither resisting nor pursuing, but in fact studying the feeling, the idea, the belief directly. I learnt that it is not even an ‘illusion’… to label it as such is just another form of subtle rejection. Who can deny such feelings when they arise? They are there are they not? You can feel them can you not?

The way to care for loneliness is through a patient and heartfelt re-connecting to this feeling and seeing directly and unquestioningly from where it comes….and to where it goes. Feel it in all its quality, from its moment of arising to its full dissolution. Be conscious of it through its whole expression, and I promise you, no matter how you perceive your outcome, you will be strengthening your knowledge, your truth, your heart and your peace.

In learning to recognize loneliness in this way, we can allow ourselves to honor the feeling more consciously and steer our lives to manifest whatever is in our hearts desire….not driven by desperation, but simply by knowing cause and effect, we can take care of ourselves.

It is natural that as human beings, we reach out and connect, natural that we touch the lives of others, natural that we get to know all of life around us, there is no shame in wanting or reaching for that… because we are in fact, this one lone entity that is ALL of life itself. We have barely touched upon ourselves if we believe that we are merely bound by skin.

Expand your awareness beyond the stars. You are this one entire existence…and you have a lifetime to get to know yourself.

Enjoy life, let go of fear, connect and re-group to all the love that is you.

Sending you love and blessings with each step on this earth.
xXx

Comments are closed.